dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
