I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
