is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
