maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
