I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Everclear isn't food dammit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
