Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
