Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
handjob tips. give me some.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
