I have demons in me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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