Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's get the cat blown out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
