I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
