I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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