I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
