Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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