I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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