I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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