I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who died my cat blue again?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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