not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
