I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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