turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize