i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
