Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
