Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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