Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
