I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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