walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
