You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
