My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
