I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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