I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
