i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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