so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
