no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
