I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
