Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
