fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
