holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
