I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
