you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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