So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
