I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
