There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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