nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
