They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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