I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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