Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So much rum. So many feels.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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