I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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