FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
