It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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