im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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