dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
