He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
