You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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