You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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