How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
